Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
