mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
