Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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