im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
