so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
