how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A bitchslap is in order.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
