is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
