Cold hands, warm shart.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
