dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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