He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
