I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
