i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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