Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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