I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
