I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
