My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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