I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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