I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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