we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
