Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
