Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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