I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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