5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The best revenge is premature balding
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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