i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
