Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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