great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
honey bunches of taint.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
