First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
