Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
