YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
