I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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