you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
