You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
