i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
