I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
