I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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