are you still at the devil's house?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
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I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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