is your mom at the bar?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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