Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well you can't waste a boner
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
