If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i out mim tonsoeep
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