My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
