In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
