you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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