I CAN MOONWALK!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
