I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
