so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
