is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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