Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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