Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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