Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
