Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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