if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
last night I used snow as a chaser
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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