so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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