Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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