You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
