I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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