nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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