She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
