My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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