idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
