what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
