he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize