someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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