and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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