If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
