I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am one with the molecules
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
