Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
