I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
