to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
