i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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