You work out of a Hotel?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
