I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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