mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
