we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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