After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
