No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
