We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
