is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
