Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i now understand why vodka
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
