I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
