I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
