So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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