Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
