Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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